A Moms Silent Hell

How many Moms (and Dads and siblings) are living in a silent hell?  One where you cannot truly share what you are going through? One where you are afraid to really say how you feel?  One where people would never even want to know how you feel?

It is funny how good at putting a smile on my face I am these days.  Sometimes it is very genuine and I am experiencing great joy.  Other times, well my mind has been taken over with the sadness I experience from my sons drug addiction.

When you see me at the store and ask how I am doing, do you really want to take the time and hear the truth? When you see me and you know what I am going through and you choose to judge me, do you really think about how that impacts me?  Or how about when you see me, realize who my son is, and then you not only judge me, you decide that he is not worthy of being loved and what a piece of %$$@ I have raised, do you think about how that impacts me?

How about his baby sisters, do you think about how they are hurting from watching their beloved big brother struggle?  How they think back to all the times they carved pumpkins together, dyed Easter Eggs, worshiped together at church, woke up early on Christmas morning to snuggle on the couch opening their stockings while waiting for everyone to be ready for the festivities to start.  Do you ever think about that?

Do you think about how nice it would be for his sisters to be able to be proud of their brother without that judgement you are passing.  He is struggling with a disease and they love him.  Can they go to school and share the struggle with their friends? No.  This silent hell is where we get to stay for now.



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