Today is Valentines Day. I woke up this morning and quietly laid in bed wondering how my son was. I reached over and looked at FB Messenger and he had been online like 9 hours prior. I considered messaging him. UGH This is unhealthy. This is where the whole family is sick right? The way I worry all the time. I need to change for sure!
I set up the kids’ Valentines for the day and get myself ready for work. Pink top with flowers, actually used eye shadow and tried to doll myself the best I could. Read the two cards my husband left me and cried a bit. What the hell is wrong with me?
I pray daily – actually I pray all day long. I am doing my best to give it up to God and let go. Why is this such a struggle for me? Why can I not just fully give it up? I have really great intentions. I intend to not let the addiction consume my brain as a Mom. I intend to fully pay attention to my family. I intend to give this up to God and let him lead me.
I do have good intentions. Just like my kid has good intentions. Just like we all have good intentions. I pray that I can get through the rest of my day knowing that my kid is alive and breathing. I have had a good conversation with him today. Which makes me happy to an extent.
I am going to have dinner with my family that is here. My husband and my girls. Time for steak, bacon wrapped halibut and fresh veggies. I am going to try to be present in the moment and enjoy my family.