Today is Valentines Day.  I woke up this morning and quietly laid in bed wondering how my son was.  I reached over and looked at FB Messenger and he had been online like 9 hours prior.  I considered messaging him.  UGH  This is unhealthy.  This is where the whole family is sick right?  The way I worry all the time.  I need to change for sure!

I set up the kids’ Valentines for the day and get myself ready for work. Pink top with flowers, actually used eye shadow and tried to doll myself the best I could.  Read the two cards my  husband left me and cried a bit.  What the hell is wrong with me?

I pray daily – actually I pray all day long. I am doing my best to give it up to God and let go.  Why is this such a struggle for me? Why can I not just fully give it up?  I have really great intentions. I intend to not let the addiction consume my brain as a Mom.  I intend to fully pay attention to my family.  I intend to give this up to God and let him lead me.

I do have good intentions.  Just like my kid has good intentions.  Just like we all have good intentions.  I pray that I can get through the rest of my day knowing that my kid is alive and breathing.  I have had a good conversation with him today.  Which makes me happy to an extent.

I am going to have dinner with my family that is here. My husband and my girls.  Time for steak, bacon wrapped halibut and fresh veggies.  I am going to try to be present in the moment and enjoy my family.