I am at War

I am a failure and I am at war.  I cannot protect my own children.  What is wrong with me?  Well this feeling creeps in on me all too often.  Especially lately.  I have days where I just do not understand where I went wrong.  Seems like I have a lot to repent about and alot to ask forgiveness for.

One of my biggest failures (I feel) is the fact I don’t know how to help my younger kids deal with what is happening.  How in the world can I help them when I cannot wrap my own head around understanding the chronic neurological disorder of addiction?  It haunts my dreams, nightmares and creeps into my thoughts each day.  I cannot get away from it.  The sadness creeps in and I fight off tears throughout each day.

Told my husband today that maybe it is time for some family counseling.  My kids are my heart and soul. Without them and my husband and grandkids I would be nothing.  I feel like I am failing my family and we are falling apart at the seams.  We are actually being torn into many pieces and addiction is actually satan and he is tearing, ripping, and gnawing away at my family.

I believe in the power of prayer.  I believe that God has a bigger and better plan for each of us and if we obey and listen great things are to come.  I am scared and I am at a loss.  I am failing to provide safety and security in my home because I cannot understand what to do anymore. I pray on my knees, I pray in the shower, I pray in the car, I pray at work, I pray in the bathroom and I pray whereever I can.   Satan is around every corner, lurking, waiting to pounce upon my family …. we are under spritutal attack.  I am in a constant state of war these days.

I would give my last breath for my children to live a peaceful and long life. One that God intended for them.  I would give my own life to save any of them.  Instead I am at war…. a spirtual war and my family is under attack.  Please pray for us.

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