I Cannot See You

I don’t know how any other moms feel. What I can tell you is that I feel terrible when I cannot see you. I worry more when I haven’t seen you and I fear I won’t get to see you again. It doesn’t matter if these are irrational thoughts, what matters is I cannot see you. When I text you it’s not because I want to be a jerk and pester you or annoy you or treat you like a baby. It is because any response from you gives me relief because I know you’re still alive.

Some days, I can cope really well. Most days, the day seems like it drags out. I have a hard time focusing at work and keeping my mind on tasks because my thoughts drift to you. It’s like living in my own private hell. However, it really isn’t private. I get to take along your siblings, your step parent, and anyone else in our family that loves and cares deeply for you.

Again, it doesn’t matter if these are irrational thoughts. What matters is that I cannot see you. I cannot see your face, I don’t get to hear your boys daily, I don’t get to interact with you, therefore I don’t know how you are. It is painful that I cannot see you.

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