Some days I feel like I am on the crazy cycle and I cannot get off no matter what I do. I just right on my morning ride and then the cycle starts. It starts out a bit slow, but then the speed picks right up until I am exhausted. This can happen day after day after day and sometimes more than I want.
This past week I felt like I was on the crazy cycle. Not just at home but at work. Many things happening back to back that kept me from being able to really relax and clear my mind. Then I bring it home with me and cannot sleep at night. I have a hard time getting to sleep when I am on the crazy cycle as my anxiety increases.
Addiction sure has a way of controling my life even though I am not the person actively using. It seeps into each thought I have. I don’t even intentionally have to be thinking of it. I can be working and the next thing you know my mind wanders over wondering what my child is doing, are they safe, are they sober, are they alive.
The crazy cycle is something that happens in my mind that I cannot stop. I have joined a support group with other family members who have loved ones suffering from addiction. I am not sure if I should be pleased that I am not alone or if I should feel sad I am not alone in the crazy cyle.
How is it that so many people can be affected by addiction and be on the SAME crazy cycle? This amazes me. Parents doing the very same thing I am across the country, in a different time zone and for a different person!!! I hate the crazy cycle right now…..it frustrates me, exhausts me and makes me feel ashamed of myself.