My Minds Crevice

Alarm blares at 5am.  UGH do I really need to get up? I swear I just went to sleep.  Ok, time to snooze for another 9 minutes.  I hit the snooze button.  Then I lay there trying to sleep more.  I open my eyes and look over at my husband and think why can he still be sleeping?  UGH

Then my mind wanders to our son. What is he doing?  Is he OK?  Did he stay somewhere safe last night?  Is he breathing?  I don’t feel emptier inside so he must be ok.  Then it happens, I look over at my cell phone.  Hello FaceBook Messenger…..  where I can see if he is currently online or when he last accessed his FB Messenger account.   Thank you Jesus!  He was online an hour ago.

Time to get ready for work, get the girls ready for school and head to work.  In the shower my mind drifts away to the responsibilities I have for today. Work meetings, customer needs, kids activities, dinner with family, and trying to unwind for the night.  Will he make it through today?  Will I be able to focus completely on what is in front of me today.  Will I get a call saying to come he is sick or overdosed. This is the first hour and a half of my day.

Then we drive to town, taking the oldest to school and youngest goes with me for a bit.  My mind races on the drive; I love him! he is my son. how did we get here? why can’t I fix this? his sister love him!  My husband loves him!  his brother loves him!  we need to love him where he is at.  I am dying inside and don’t know what to do.

Time to pray. I need some peace. The girls have no idea the conversations I am holding in my head today.  Lord, thank you for all you have given me. Thank you for the roof over our heads, food on our table and providing for our every need.  We especially thank you for giving your one and only son for us Lord.  Please put a circle of protection around the girls as they are in school.  Please put a circle of protection around my son and anyone else in our little town that is struggling from substance use disorder.  I ask for a spiritual awakening here Lord, that those who need to feel your love and hear you are able to.  That they can feel you and hear you and know they are worthy and loved.  We ask for these things in your precious soons name, In Jesus’ name, Amen.

This is within the first 2 1/2 hours of my day.  What will happen in the next 15 hours?

 

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